外國網友分享自己為什么單身的故事（2）
Why are some people always single?
譯文簡介
這實際上將是我在Quora上的第一個答案，但我認為我有資格回答這個問題。
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外國網友分享自己為什么單身的故事（2）
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, BSc from Loughborough University (2019)
This is actually going to be my first answer on Quora, but I think I am qualified to answer this question.
So I have been single since 1995 (I am 23 years old). I never had something that was even remotely close to what you would call a relationship. I have also never been in love or had a crush (I thought I had crush(es), but then I realised that I never had a conversation/interaction with that person so it was more like an admiration from afar).
Reasons why I think I am single:
I do not go out so much. That results in less opportunities of meeting the right person. But then again I participate in a sport that is mainly male dominated - opportunities?
I am introverted. I am not the person to just go around and introduce myself, so unless the guy is brave it is not going to happen.
這實際上將是我在Quora上的第一個答案，但我認為我有資格回答這個問題。
基本上我從1995年（我當時23歲）起就一直是單身。我從來沒有過與你所說的關系的東西。我也從來沒有戀愛或暗戀過（我以為我有過暗戀對象，但后來我意識到，我從來沒有和那個人交談/互動過，所以更像是從遠處的仰慕）。
我認為我單身的原因：
1.我不經常出門。這導致遇到合適的人的機會減少。但是，我又參加了一項主要由男性主導的運動--機會？
2.我是內向的人。我不是那種隨便走動和自我介紹的人，所以除非男方很勇敢，否則是不會有故事發生的。
I am waiting for the right person. I have had the time to analyse the relationships around me and now know what I would consider as a healthy/good relationship. I now know what personality traits I would like to see in a person, maybe that makes me picky or more sextive, but I just do not want to waste my time on and with the wrong person. I have seen people move from one person to another just because they can not stand to be alone, or people in dysfunctional relationships.
Emotional barrier. I find it hard to open up to someone and being vulnerable to a person.
That being said, I always wonder what other people have that I do not. Sometimes I also ask myself, if something is wrong with me (not necessarily due to 0 relationships, but due to not having experienced what it is like to fall in love). Though, I sometimes get the impression that Western culture overemphasises the importance of being in a relationship.
3.外表和性格。我不認為我很丑，我認為我是相當體面的人（顯然外表不是一切）。那么也許是我的個性問題？我并不是一個充滿泡泡和陽光的人。我是一個相當冷靜和理性的人，有時我太誠實了（這可能導致無意中傷害了一些人的感情）。我姐姐常說："以你的個性，你永遠也找不到男朋友"。我總是一笑置之，但聽到這話確實有點受傷。
4.我在等待合適的人。我有時間分析我周圍的關系，現在知道我認為什么是健康/良好的關系。我現在知道我想在一個人身上看到什么樣的個性特征，也許這讓我變得挑剔或更有選擇性，但我只是不想在錯誤的人身上浪費我的時間。我看到人們從一個人轉到另一個人，只是因為他們無法忍受孤獨，或者人們處于不正常的關系。
5.情感上的障礙。我發現很難向人敞開心扉，對一個人脆弱。
既然如此，我總是想知道其他人有什么我沒有的東西。有時我也會問自己，是不是我出了什么問題（不一定是因為0關系，而是因為完全沒有經歷過戀愛的感覺）。雖然，我有時會覺得西方文化過分強調了戀愛的重要性。
I’m in the same boat (single since 1994). I agree with all the things you listed and it also makes me wonder what is wrong with me. It seems by now that it should have happened but it hasn’t and as you said there is a bit of suspicion in the western world that if you haven’t dated by early twenties then something must be off about you. It really baffles me because I know people who were randomly approached by men/women or it just happened with them not even trying. Those kinds of things are what make wonder whether something’s wtong with me.
我也是如此（自1994年起單身）。我同意你列出的所有事情，這也讓我想知道我有什么問題。到現在為止，似乎應該已經發生了，但是還沒有，而且正如你所說的，西方世界有一點懷疑，如果你在20多歲時還沒有過約會，那么你一定有問題。這真的讓我很困惑，因為我認識一些人，他們會被男人/女人隨機地接近，或者他們甚至沒有嘗試，就這樣發生了。這類事情讓我懷疑自己是否有問題。
Me too since 1995
The bad thing is that i dont even have crushes and also I just see men like this i no attraction even the tiniest lol nothing …An.d now with corona i am seeing my friends getting married or engaged and i am still here … .lucky you live in western country not like africa where people will make you more depressed with their questions like why you still dont have someone
我也是，從1995年開始單身
糟糕的是，我甚至沒有暗戀的對象，還有，好像我對于男性沒有吸引力，哪怕是最微小的，笑，一點都沒有......現在有了COVID，我看到我的朋友結婚或訂婚，我還在這里......幸運的是，你生活在西方國家，而不是像非洲，人們會用他們的問題讓你更郁悶，比如為什么你仍然沒有人。
The same as me! :O
我也一樣！:O
, INFJ-A(learning to be more optimistic with life)
I am turning 22 and have always been single. (never had a genuine relationship with the opposite gender)
1.Unique interests
I am into solo endurance sports such as running/swimming, while most girls are into team sports that require a lot of coordination such as rugby,etc. I am also into animes and MMORPGs, while most girls are into watching korean dramas/reality TV shows. All of this,makes it harder to interact with the opposite gender,especially with differing hobbies. Likewise, I don’t really believe in “changing” myself to suit the interests of others as I will rather lead a genuine life than to lie my way through the relationship.
2.Preference for slower and less materialistic pace of life
I guess this applies to many girls in my hometown, who prefers a faster and more materialistic pace of living. Common conversations often involve worries about finances for the future and worklife. On the other hand, I prefer to converse about “life” away from the regular work and financial concerns, such as personal past time and current affairs. I prefer to live life with lesser worries, whenever possible.
我快22歲了，一直都是單身。(從未與異性發生過真正的關系)
1.獨特的興趣
我喜歡單獨的耐力運動，如跑步/游泳，而大多數女孩則喜歡需要大量協調的團隊運動，如橄欖球等。我還喜歡動漫和多人在線網游，而大多數女孩都喜歡看韓劇/真人秀節目。所有這些都使我更難與異性交往，尤其是在不同的愛好方面。同樣，我也不太相信"改變"自己以適應他人的興趣的做法，因為我寧愿過一種真正的生活，而不是在關系中撒謊。
2.傾向于較慢的、不那么物質化的生活節奏
我想這一點適用于我家鄉的許多女孩，她們更喜歡更快、更物質的生活節奏。常見的談話經常涉及對未來財務和工作生活的擔憂。另一方面，我更喜歡談論遠離常規工作和財務問題的"生活"，如個人過去的時間和時事。只要有可能，我更愿意在生活中少些憂慮。
I guess that is a common trait among the INFJ personality. There are things that I interpret in a different way, compared to the general populace. For instance, I find it comfortable interacting with people on a regular basis,but perfectly fine to disappear the next moment,spending time away from people.
I think my personality type is also more focused on the process of getting a relationship, rather than the product of getting one. This means that there is a high likelihood that once we are fell out in a single relationship(could be friendly relationships that turned out to be a friend zone), we are unlikely to get into another since we felt that we are the ones at fault.
Overall,I am kinda happy about being single. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing since I like to travel around and live in different countries for a span of time.(1–3 years) If I was attached, the chances of doing that is close to zilch, since relationships are mainly about stability and staying put. Every moment I think of someone in a relationship, I will remind myself that I am fortunate to be single.
3.我具有高度的神秘感
我想這是INFJ（內傾/直覺/情感/判斷）性格中的一個共同特征。與一般人相比，有些事情我是以不同的方式來解釋的。例如，我覺得平時與人交流很舒服，但這種感覺下一刻就消失了，花時間遠離人們，這也是完全可以的。
我認為我的性格類型也更注重獲得關系的過程，而不是獲得關系的結果。這意味著，一旦我們在一段關系中失?。赡苁且环N友好關系，結果變成了朋友圈），我們很可能不會再進入另一段關系，因為我們覺得自己是有錯的。
總的來說，我對單身感到有點高興。這不一定是壞事，因為我喜歡到處旅行，在不同的國家生活一段時間（1-3年）。如果我有伴侶，這樣做的機會幾乎為零，因為關系主要是關于穩定和保持原狀。每當我想到有人在談戀愛的時候，我就會提醒自己，我很幸運能成為單身。
I mean this with no disrespect, but, you might just be ugly lol. But hey so am i and i married. I would just wait and don’t panic. There’s always someone, just be more confident, make them laugh and pay attention to them
我提起這個沒有任何不敬，但是，你可能只是有點丑，哈哈哈。但是，我也是，而且我結婚了。我只是等待，不要驚慌?？倳腥说?，只是要更有信心，讓她們開懷大笑并注意她們。
Yeah, I just feel like I lost faith in getting into a genuine relationship as most girls in my country are looking for material stuff and appearance, as opposed to personality.
是的，我只是覺得我對建立一段真正的關系失去了信心，因為我的國家的大多數女孩都在尋找物質上的東西和外表，而不是個性。
原創翻譯：龍騰網 http://www.minocquamortgage.com 轉載請注明出處
, 4+ years writing on dating, love, women and sexuality.
It’s funny, that ‘singledom’ constantly comes under question — as if remaining single for any extended period of time is a confusing concept for the masses or something constantly worth delving into.
Following a particularly volatile relationship part way through my University career, I spent the next 5 years as a (predominantly) single entity. It wasn’t as if I made any grand declarations to avoid relationships — and trust me, there were still emotional connections and almost-relationships cultivated within that timefrx — it just happened that way. While I’ve admittedly never been one who felt an instinct for co-dependence, I knew in my gut that I wanted to take some time to get to know myself better, and further romanticize my own independence.
有趣的是，"單身 "不斷受到質疑--仿佛在任何長時期內保持單身對大眾來說都是一個令人困惑的概念，或者是值得不斷深入研究的東西。
在我的大學生涯中，在一段特別不穩定的關系之后，我花了5年時間（絕大部分）作為一個單身實體。這并不是說我做出了一份什么宏大的聲明來避免關系--相信我，在那個段時間內我仍然有著情感聯系和幾乎是關系的培養--它們只是順其自然地發生了。雖然我承認我從來不是一個有著病態般依賴著對方的本能的人，但我的直覺告訴我，我想花一些時間來更好地了解自己，并進一步固化我自己的獨立。
Here’s the thing — seeking a relationship before you’ve come to terms with your relationship with yourself and before you’ve finished licking the wounds from relationships past, is like trying to build a house before laying the foundation. The house might look nice, and new, but once a storm hits — will it have the bones to remain standing?
多年來，我一直從旁觀者的角度看著朋友和所愛的人毫不猶豫地（或花太多時間）不斷將自己投入到新的關系中。而一次又一次，我看到一旦田園詩般的"新意"消失，現實滲入他們基礎的裂縫，同樣的基本問題就會在他們的戀情中撕開缺口。
事情是這樣的--在你還沒有接受你與自己的關系，還沒有完成舔舐過去關系的傷口之前，就尋求一段關系，就像在打地基之前試圖建造一座房子。房子可能看起來很好，也很新，但一旦暴風雨來臨，它的架構能頂得住嗎？
我在童年時對我父母關系的弱點有了近距離的了解。我看到了歲月對他們的侵蝕，時間和家庭的磨難如何改變了他們各自的身份。我看到了他們懲罰對方的方式，在拼命堅持他們曾經認為足夠的陪伴的同時，也在抨擊著對方。但我也開始理解他們對彼此的奉獻，即使任何浪漫的情感早已消逝。這種伙伴關系和婚姻忠誠的概念，無論對錯，在今天這一代人中似乎都很稀缺。轉身走開簡直太容易了，重新開始，津津樂道于新的、沒有關系的浪漫的持續吸引力之中。雖然我一點也不希望自己會落到一個在多年后雙方不再激發浪漫/親密欣賞的關系或婚姻中，但我確實知道，愛和忠誠對我來說是嚴肅的概念。
但我只有站在堅實的基礎上，才能期望吸引到那種關系（一種真正有持久力和親密性的關系）進入我的生活。因此，我在過去的5年里把自己放在第一位，把所有的注意力都放在我需要學習的艱苦課程上，而不是靠一個臨時的浪漫伴侶。我對自己、我的需求、我的期望和我作為潛在伴侶的痛點有了深入的了解，以清楚地知道我能給對方帶來什么。我經歷了暫時的關系，以便更好地了解我渴望從長期關系中得到什么。我已經建立了我的事業，仔細選擇了我的親密圈子，并努力修復以前的破碎關系。我做出了重大的改變，感受到了錯誤決定的憤怒，也慶祝了好的決定的成功。當我發現自己感到孤獨或缺乏浪漫靈感的時候，我曾退后一步，問自己那是怎么來的。我獨立的基礎中是否有缺口？我可以自己填補這些空白嗎？我是否（不必要地）將自己的時間線與他人的時間線相比較？而現在......現在我已經真正適應了自己的生活，并對我不斷發展的自我意識非常滿意？現在我知道，我已經準備好了，和一個伴侶一起慢慢變得不舒服。
That is precisely why I’ve spent so much time of my young, adult life single (until this past July, to be exact). Not only because I just hadn’t met the right person yet — and I’ll be damned if I ever date someone for the hell of it, or to fill a void — but because I had work to do. Because I understand that time and energy is our most valuable currency, and while so much of what happens in life is out of our control, who we pay those parts of ourselves to (especially romantically) is not. And guess what? I fully intend to get the best bang for my buck.
因為這就是關系的本質。它們就是不舒服的。當然，它們會帶來愛、親密和浪漫的感覺，但這些元素不會在沒有情感成長的情況下出現。它們不是沒有妥協，沒有相互理解，有時還有沖突。因此，如果你自己一個人就已經不舒服了，你怎么能指望在一段關系中堅持你的交易呢？如果你不能為自己辯護，你怎么能期望為你的關系辯護？
這正是我在年輕的成年生活中（確切地說，直到今年七月）花了這么多時間單身的原因。不僅僅是因為我還沒有遇到合適的人--如果我曾經為了就想找一個人而約會，或者為了填補空虛而約會，那我就太該死了--而是因為我有工作要做。因為我明白，時間和精力是我們最寶貴的貨幣，雖然生活中發生的很多事情是我們無法控制的，但由我們把自己的這些部分交給誰（尤其是浪漫的）卻不是。你猜怎么著？我完全打算讓我的錢得到最好的回報。
, Jewelry Designer
I used to be asked if I had a boyfriend,they were all surprised when I said no.They said I cant be single in my condition,I must be too demanding.I didnt agree at first:”I am just looking for someone who can communicate with me and just as long as he is not ugly.How is this demanding?”But I came to understand,I do demanding!The things I pursue are not as the things in the shop:can be bought right now with money,or get them with hard working. The things I want are desirable are not feasible. It is too hard for me to meet the people I find attractive,besides also need he is to be attracted by me.
I have been single for nearly 3 years.The thing I have learned is:True love is hard to find.I doubt I will ever find it.I cant do it like some people do :just get to know each other quickly and begin a relationship. I hope we can get to know each other deeply,Age,culture,material,etc.,are not important,What important are we have the same interests，same values,and be willing to always communicate and share. It sounds easy,In fact like the movie said:To find someone you actually love,who will love you,the chances are always minuscule.
以前有人問我有沒有男朋友，我說沒有，他們都很驚訝。他們說我這種情況不可能單身，一定是要求太高了。我一開始不同意："我只是想找一個能和我交流的人，只要他不丑就行，這怎么算要求高呢？"但我漸漸明白，我確實要求高！我追求的東西不像商店里的東西，可以馬上用錢買到，也可以通過努力工作得到。我想要的東西是理想的，但不可行。 我很難遇到我認為有吸引力的人，此外還需要他被我所吸引。
我已經單身近3年了。我學到的東西是：真愛是很難找到的。我懷疑我是否能找到它。我不能像有些人那樣做：只是迅速了解對方然后就開始一段關系。我希望我們能深入了解對方，年齡、文化、物質等都不重要，重要的是我們有相同的興趣，相同的價值觀，并且愿意經常溝通和分享。這聽起來很容易，實際上就像電影里說的那樣：要找到一個你真正愛的人，并且會愛你的人，機會總是微乎其微。
Sometimes I also feel lonely before I meet love，I think the only thing I can do is:Put some energy into my career,that I have the ability to do the things I want to do.Get to understand what I want and implement them.I can live very well with myself,It can say perfect if I met true love in this state of life,if cant met,well,we dont have to be perfect to be happy ,right?
同時，現在，在我的國家，人們忙于工作，一兩次的接觸不足以真正了解一個人，我們也無法承受更多。例如，像我，如果我一開始就對某人有好感，當我見到他時，我可能會有點拘束，可能會說一些愚蠢的話（如果他是街上隨機的人，我不會這樣的）。 其實我是一個很開朗的人，總是讓周圍的人開心。但他在看到我的另一面之前就拒絕了我。工作很忙，很累，如果對約會沒有感覺，人們就不想浪費時間出去約會。我相信這樣的事情也發生在我拒絕的男孩中。也許我們已經遇到了合適的人，但我們因為各種愚蠢的原因錯過了他。
有時我也會在遇到愛情之前感到孤獨，我想我唯一能做的是：把一些精力放在我的事業上，我有能力做我想做的事情，了解我想要什么并實施它們，我可以很好地與自己相處，如果我在這種生活狀態下遇到真愛，它可以說是完美的，如果不能遇到，好吧，我們不一定要完美才能幸福，對嗎？
原創翻譯：龍騰網 http://www.minocquamortgage.com 轉載請注明出處
I believe the best way to meet someone is make a list of what you enjoy doing and then join a club or take a class or volunteer in that activity. That way you meet someone that has the same interest and you can talk about the activity which makes it easier to get to know each other.
For example lets say you love nature, then join a hiking club or get involved with Sierra Club or the equivalent in your country.
我相信認識某人的最好方法是列出你喜歡做的事情，然后加入一個俱樂部或參加一個課程，或在該活動中做志愿者。這樣你就會遇到有相同興趣的人，你可以談論這個活動，這使你更容易了解對方。
例如，假設你喜歡大自然，那么就加入一個徒步旅行俱樂部或參與某個俱樂部或你所在國家的類似活動。
It takes a long time to get to really know someone, to know whether they share similar interests and values with you. Perhaps it's because of society nowadays, we want to be instantly gratified, an expectation to feel that sense of connection when we meet someone. In movies, it happens. In reality, it doesn't… On first dates people put on masks, presenting their best.. Or worst impressions to each other.
All I can say is, to be patient. I could use the same advice for myself haha
要真正了解一個人，要知道他是否與你有相似的興趣和價值觀需要很長的時間。也許這是因為現在的社會，我們希望立即得到滿足，一種期望在遇到某人時感受到那種聯系的感覺。在電影中，它發生了。在現實中，這不會發生...在第一次約會中，人們只是戴著面具，展示他們最好的，或最壞的印象給對方。
我所能說的是，要有耐心。這個建議對我自己也適用，哈哈。
right, love costs too much for most people. but i’m lucky, maybe not lucky, just because i was persistent on her, and finally she became my wife. and we have a son who is 3 years old now.
so what i want to say is love is also a important thing, maybe most of us human are losing it. as a man, i must say the male in china are under too many pressures, they are afraid or not so willing to chase girls. it’s a pity.
是的，愛對于大多數人來說都太昂貴了。但我很幸運，也許不是幸運，只是因為我對她很執著，最后她成了我的妻子，我們有一個兒子，現在3歲了。
所以我想說的是，愛也是一件很重要的事情，也許我們大多數人都在失去它。作為一個男人，我必須說中國的男性承受了太多的壓力，他們害怕或不太愿意去追女孩。這很可惜。