有哪些好玩的物理學笑話？-網帖翻譯-龍騰網

Marc Clamage
That about covers it for the physics jokes, so here are some engineering ones:

這里有一些工程笑話，也算包含在物理笑話里：

* * *
A woman tells her engineer husband, "Go to the supermarket and buy a gallon of milk. And if they have eggs, get a dozen." So he comes back with a dozen gallons of milk.

一個女人告訴她的工程師丈夫，“去超市買一加侖牛奶，如果有雞蛋的話，就買上一打?！比缓笏貋頃r買了十二加侖的牛奶。

* * *
An engineer, a doctor, a priest and a lawyer are playing golf when they get caught behind a particularly slow foursome. They see a groundskeeper, call him over, and ask what the hold up is. The groundskeeper says, "Those are four fire fighters who were all blinded in a terrible blaze a few years ago. We let them play here as a courtesy." The priest says, "Those poor guys! I'll pray for them at Mass this Sunday." The doctor says, "I have a friend who's a respected eye surgeon. I'll ask him to look into their case." The lawyer says, "I'll look into their settlement and make sure they got everything they deserve." The engineer says, "Why can't they play at night?"

一位工程師，一位醫生，一位牧師和一位律師在打高爾夫，但是他們前面的一組人打得很慢。于是他們叫來一個管理員問他前面是什么事情耽擱了，管理員告訴他們：“前面是四個消防員，幾年前他們在一場劇烈的大火中不幸失明了，出于禮貌，我們讓他們來這里打球?！蹦翈熣f道：“哦，這些可憐的家伙！這個禮拜日的彌撒中我將為他們祈禱?！贬t生表示：“我有一個朋友是備受尊重的眼科醫生，我會請他來給這些消防員看看病?！甭蓭熣f：“我會查看下他們的協議，確保他們得到了他們應得的一切?！惫こ處焺t說：“他們為什么不晚上來打球呢？”

* * *
Kate Upton and an engineer are cast away on a desert island. After a few days the engineer has things running like clockwork. He's located food and water, he's set up an automatic SOS signal, he's built a little house with hot and cold running coconut milk, the whole nine yards. Kate Upton says to him, "You've done such a wonderful job of taking care of me and you've been a perfect gentleman. Let me show my appreciation." All night long they make passionate love.

凱特·阿普頓（美國模特）和一位工程師流落到一座沙灘島上，幾天后工程師就把事情做得井井有條。他找到了食物和水、設置了自動求助信號，他還建了一座小屋子，里面有流動的冷熱椰子奶，做完了這一切，凱特·阿普頓對他說：“你把我照顧得太好了，你就是一位完美的紳士！我要表示下我的感謝”，于是整晚他們都在激情地做愛。

The next day she turns to him and says, "So how was that? Was it perfect?" The engineer says, "It was almost perfect, but just a few little things..." "Anything you want, darling," she murmurs.

第二天，她對著他問道：“昨晚怎么樣？完美嗎？”工程師說：“它幾乎是完美的，但是還有一點小事情……”“你想要什么，親愛的?！彼?。

"Well, for starters, can I take this piece of charcoal and give you a mustache?" Kate Upton is a little surprised but she says sure.

“好吧，那首先，我可以用木炭給你畫個胡子嗎？” 凱特·阿普頓有點兒驚訝但她還是答應了。

"And is it all right if I call you Bob?" Again she agrees. "Last thing, would you walk down the beach a ways then come back and pretend you don't see me?" So Kate Upton walks down the beach, turns around and starts to walk back to the hut. As she nears, the engineer jumps out from behind a sand dune and shouts "Bob! Bob! I just nailed Kate Upton!"

“然后，我叫你鮑勃可以嗎？”凱特繼續答應了?！白詈笠患?，你可以在沙灘上走一段路然后走回來，假裝你沒有看到我嗎？”于是凱特·阿普頓走向海灘，轉身開始走回小屋，當她走近時，工程師從一個沙丘后面跳了出來，喊道："鮑勃! 鮑勃! 我剛剛搞定了凱特·阿普頓！"

Adam Lantos
1 st
Joke:
A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away.

一個物理學家、一個工程師和一個統計學家一起去打獵，突然，50碼外出現了一只鹿。

The physicist does some basic ballistic calculations, assuming a vacuum, lifts his rifle to a specific angle, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards short.

物理學家在真空的假設下做了一些基本的彈道計算，然后以特定的角度舉起了他的步槍射擊，然而子彈落點短了5碼。

The engineer adds a fudge factor for air resistance, lifts his rifle slightly higher, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards long.

工程師加了空氣阻力的經驗參數，然后將他的步槍稍微舉高一些，然而子彈落點長了5碼。
原創翻譯：龍騰網 http://www.minocquamortgage.com 轉載請注明出處

The statistician yells "We got him!"

統計學家歡呼道：“我們射中它了！”

2 nd
Joke:
An engineer is working at his desk in his office. His cigarette falls off the desk into the wastebasket, causing the papers within to burst into flames. The engineer looks around, sees a fire extinguisher, grabs it, puts out the flames, and goes back to work.

一個工程師正在他辦公室的桌前工作，他的香煙從桌上掉到了垃圾桶里，把紙引著了，工程師環顧周圍，看到了滅火器，拿起它熄滅了火，然后回去繼續工作。
原創翻譯：龍騰網 http://www.minocquamortgage.com 轉載請注明出處

A physicist is working at his desk in another office and the same thing happens. He looks at the fire, looks at the fire extinguisher, and thinks "Fire requires fuel plus oxygen plus heat. The fire extinguisher will remove both the oxygen and the heat in the wastebasket. Ergo, no fire." He grabs the extinguisher, puts out the flames, and goes back to work.

一個物理學家正在他辦公室的桌前工作，然后同樣的事情發生了。他看了看火，看了看滅火器，然后想到“燃燒需要可燃物、氧氣和溫度，滅火器將會同時隔絕垃圾桶里的氧氣并降低溫度，這樣火就滅了?！彼闷饻缁鹌鳒缌嘶?，然后回去繼續工作。

A mathematician is working at his desk in another office and the same thing happens. He looks at the fire, looks at the fire extinguisher, and thinks for a minute, says "Ah! A solution exists!" and goes back to work.

一個統計學家正在他辦公室的桌前工作，然后同樣的事情發生了。他看了看火，又看了看滅火器，然后思考了一會兒，說道：“啊哈！問題解決了！”然后回去繼續工作。

3 rd
Joke:
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible.

一個工程師、一個物理學家和一個統計學家要盡可能使用最少的材料給一群羊建造圍欄。

The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it.

工程師將羊群趕成一個圓形，并圍著它們建造了一個圍欄。

The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock.

物理學家造了一個直徑無限大的圍欄，然后拉到一起直到它圈住了羊群。

The mathematician thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.

統計學家想了一會兒，然后建了一個圍欄把自己圈起來，并定義他自己是在外面。
原創翻譯：龍騰網 http://www.minocquamortgage.com 轉載請注明出處

Extra:
A couple of amusing stories (not jokes) about Dirac:

補充：幾個關于狄拉克（英國理論物理學家，量子力學的奠基人之一）的趣事（不是笑話）：

Dirac said “I was taught at school never to start a sentence without knowing the end of it.” This ex-plains a lot. Dirac’s famously taciturn and precise nature spawned many “Dirac stories”. One example concerns a conference lecture he himself gave, following which a questioner indicated that he had not followed a particular part of Dirac’s argument. A long silence ensued, broken ?nally by the chairman asking if Professor Dirac would deal with the question. Dirac responded, “It was a statement, not a question.”

狄拉克說：“在學校我學會了如果你不知道如何收尾，就不要急著開始一句話?！边@解釋了很多事情。狄拉克出了名的沉默寡言和嚴謹的天性產生了許多 "狄拉克故事"。一次在他自己做的一次會議演講上，有一個提問者表示狄拉克推導的某一部分他沒有聽懂，然后就是長時間的沉默，最后主席打破了這份寂靜，問狄拉克教授是否會回答這個問題。狄拉克回答說："這是一個陳述句，不是一個問題。"
原創翻譯：龍騰網 http://www.minocquamortgage.com 轉載請注明出處

William Vietinghoff
·
A hydrogen atom walks into a bar. The bartender says, “You don’t look good.”
The hydrogen atom says, “Yeah, I lost an electron.”
The bartender says, “Are you sure?”
The hydrogen atom says, “I’m positive.”

一個氫原子走進一家酒吧，酒保說：“你看起來不太好?！?br /> 氫原子說：“是的，我失去了一個電子?！?br /> 酒保說：“你確定嗎？”
氫原子說：“我確定?！保╬ositive還可表示帶正電，這里氫原子失去一個電子后變成了帶一個單位正電荷的氫離子。）

Peter Mills
A chemist, an engineer, a mathematician and a physicist are riding in a train in Scotland. The chemist points to a sheep and says, “Look, there are black sheep in Scotland!” The engineer corrects him and says, “Well, there’s at least one black sheep in Scotland.” The mathematician goes further and states, “There is at least one sheep that’s black on one side in Scotland.” The physicist, who had been staring out another window this whole time is pulled from his reverie. “Suppose we model the sheep as a sphere…”

一個化學家、一個工程師、一個數學家和一個物理學家在蘇格蘭的一輛火車上，化學家指著一只羊說：“看，蘇格蘭有黑色的羊！”工程師糾正道：“應該是蘇格蘭至少有一只黑色的羊?！睌祵W家繼續說道：“在蘇格蘭，至少有一只羊它的一面是黑色的?！币恢倍⒅硪簧却俺了嫉奈锢韺W家從他的思緒中出來說道：“我們把這只羊假設成一個球體……”
原創翻譯：龍騰網 http://www.minocquamortgage.com 轉載請注明出處

David Rupp
·
So… there’s an engineer, a biologist, and a physicist sitting in a bar.

一個工程師、一個生物學家和一個物理學家在酒吧里坐著。

The three are reading the paper and discussing horse racing.

他們一邊看報一邊討論著賽馬。

The engineer says “Hmm… we’re all good scientists, why couldn’t we put that to use and accurately predict the outcome of the horse race? It could be a chance to get some big money!”

工程師說：“呃……我們都擅長科學，那我們為何不學以致用來精確地預測比賽的結果呢？這可是個得到一大筆錢的好機會！”

The three agree to partake in a brief study of horse racing, and the next time they met they would share their models of which horse might win before making their winning bets.

他們三個表示贊同，于是決定對比賽做一個簡短的研究，下次見面時他們在下賭注前會分享他們的比賽結果模型。

The next time they meet, all three scientists are eager to share their theories.

第二次見面時，這三個科學家都急著分享自己的理論。

“Well”, said the engineer. “I measured the leg length of all the horses and also measured their mass. I have a good idea of which horse is most likely to win based on a basic comparison of these mechanical factors.”

工程師說道：“我計算了所有馬的腿長和它們的質量，根絕這些力學因素的基本比較，我很清楚哪匹馬最有可能獲勝?！?

“Hmm”, said the biologist. “I took stool samples and checked the veterinary records of the horses, and I checked the cardiovascular systems and also the respiratory systems of them. I have a good idea of which horse is healthiest, and has the best stamina so is therefore most likely to win.”

生物學家說道：“呃……我取了這些馬的糞便樣品和獸醫記錄，我還檢查了它們的心血管系統和呼吸系統，我清楚哪匹馬是最健康的、耐力是最好的，也是最可能贏的?！?

The engineer and the biologist nod excitedly and turn to the physicist.

工程師和生物學家興奮地點點頭，然后看向物理學家。

“What have you got for us?” asked the biologist.

生物學家問：“你有什么要告訴我們的嗎？”

The physicist replied.

物理學家回答道。

“So I started by modelling the horse as a sphere, but I can’t quite get it to go around corners.”

“我一開始將馬看作一個球形模型，但我沒辦法讓它拐彎?！?

Gabriel Vicario-Castrejón

1.一場勢均力敵的比賽
2.他們正在檢查電子顯微鏡
3.在量子結局中，最后的勝者是3號
4.這不公平！你通過測量方法改變了結果??！

Nikhil Thomas
Here’s a really funny one I heard:

我聽過一個非常有趣的物理笑話：

Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?

為什么量子物理學家在性方面很糟糕？
原創翻譯：龍騰網 http://www.minocquamortgage.com 轉載請注明出處

Because when they find the position, they can’t find momentum. And when they find the momentum, they can’t find the position.

因為當他們找到位置時，他們動不起來，而當他們可以動起來時，他們又找不到位置。

Steven Haddock
A physics professor was charged with running a red light.

一位物理教授被指控闖紅燈。
原創翻譯：龍騰網 http://www.minocquamortgage.com 轉載請注明出處

However, at trial, he explained how, when you approach a light source, the light waves shift towards the colour blue. The judge understood the concept and believed the professor when he said he saw a green light.

然而，在審訊時，他解釋道，當你接近紅燈的時候，光波會發生藍移。法官搞懂了這個過程，并相信教授所聲稱的他看到了綠燈。

However, one of the professor’s students told the judge how fast the professor would have had to be going to shift the red light into the green part of the spectrum. The professor was convicted of speeding instead.

但教授的一名學生告訴法官，教授需要開得多快紅光才會變成綠光，于是這位教授被判了超速。

Swapnil Jai Upadhyay
***If you were in a vehicle and you were travelling at the speed of light , and then you turned your lights on , would they do anything ?

如果你在一輛以光速行駛的汽車里，然后你打開車燈，會發生什么呢？

***A mathematician , a physicist and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume. The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and uated a triple integral. The physicist filled the beaker with water , put the ball in the water and measured the total displacement. The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table.

一位數學家、一位物理學家和一位工程師每個人得到了一個紅色的橡膠球，并被告知要得到其體積。數學家仔細測量了直徑，并估算了一個三重積分；物理學家在燒杯里裝滿水，把球放進水里，測量了總位移；工程師在他的紅色橡膠球表中查到了模型和序列號。

***A physics professor is giving a lecture on lighting. ‘ The moon is more useful than the sun because the moon shines at night when you want the light , whereas the sun shines during the day when you don't need it’.

一位物理學教授正在做一場關于照明的講座，他說道：“月亮比太陽更有用，因為月亮在你需要光的晚上照耀，而太陽在你不需要光的白天照耀?！?

***A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.

兩周前將會舉行一個關于時間旅行的研討會。

***A mathematician , a biologist and a physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First , they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three people coming out of the house. The physicist says , ‘ The measurement wasn't accurate’. The biologist says , ‘ they have reproduced’. The mathematician says , ‘ If now exactly one person enters the house , it will be empty again.’

一位數學家、一位生物學家和一位物理學家坐在一家街頭咖啡館里，看著街對面的房子人進進出出。一開始，他們看到兩個人進了房子。時間流逝，過了一會兒，他們發現有三個人從房子里出來。物理學家說：“測量并不準確?！鄙飳W家說：“他們已經進行了繁衍?！睌祵W家說：“如果現在正好有一個人進了這所房子，房子就又變成空的了?！?

***What's a quark ? The noise made by a well bred duck.

什么是夸克？一只養尊處優的鴨子的噪聲。

Cheers :)

謝謝:)

有哪些好玩的物理學笑話？

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有哪些好玩的物理學笑話？